Men Fake Orgasms, Too

Over the past 40 years, many surveys have asked women if they've ever faked an orgasm, and consistently, half to two-thirds (53% to 65%) have said that yes, they have at least once.

But men faking orgasm? That's unheard of. Well, no, not exactly. Many sex therapists offer anecdotal reports, and a 1981 study of 280 college students (185 women and 95 men) showed the familiar rate among women (60%)—and faking by 36% of the men. But that was the only real study, until recently.

In 2010, researchers at the University of Kansas asked 281 undergraduates (180 men and 101 women) to complete an anonymous sex survey that included questions about faking orgasm. Consistent with previous findings, two-thirds of the women (67%) said they'd pretended at least once—and 28% of the men said the same.

While not a nationally representative sample, the participants included a reasonable demographic cross-section of college students: largely white, but some Asian, Hispanic, and African-American, and largely heterosexual, but some gay/lesbian or bi. Pretenders and non-pretenders reported generally similar sexual experience, but the fakers were more experienced, so they'd had more opportunities to pretend. Fakers were also sexually more adventurous, reporting more masturbation, oral sex, and anal play.

Most faking took place in established relationships (78% of the women, 53% of the men), but it also occurred among dating couples (2% of women, 16% of men), friends with benefits (10% and 9% ), and casual hook-ups (10% , 16%).

No women faked it with men they'd just met, but 7% of the men did with new women acquaintances.

Most faking took place during vaginal intercourse (55% of the women, 80% of the men), but some occurred during oral sex (8%, 11%), or other unspecified sexual play (37%, 8%).

Women's pretending was rarely linked to alcohol, but men's was. Two percent of the women had some alcohol before faking orgasm and 6% said they were drunk. Meanwhile, 11% of the men had been drinking and 24% claimed they were drunk.

Faked orgasms typically involved acting—moaning, hip thrusting, and thrashing about in an effort to fool the partner. Young women's acting often tricks young men because guys with limited sexual experience may not recognize the pelvic muscle contractions of real female orgasms.

But men's orgasms produce visible evidence, semen, so how can men fake it? Condoms are often the key. Men thrust and moan, and then deftly discard the condom before the women notice there's nothing in it. But the men who'd pretended didn't always use condoms, so it seems that some college-age women are as clueless about men's orgasms as men can be about women's. As one man recalled about faking it: "She was like, well, did you get off? And I was like, yeah."

Trudy Wasn't Very Good At Disguising Her Fake Orgasms

Men and women fake orgasms for similar reasons:

• Orgasm was taking too long or wasn't going to happen: women, 71%; men, 84%

• They wanted the sex to end: 61% and 82%

• They wanted to avoid hurting the partner's feelings: 69% and 47%

• They felt bored, or tired, or sleepy, or no longer in the mood for sex: 56% and 72%

This study confirms the previous research that a majority of women have faked an orgasm at least once, and it corroborates the one previous study that men also fake it. Based on these two studies, it seems somewhere between one-quarter and one-third of college-age men have faked it, meaning that men pretend to have orgasms about half as much as women.

Have you ever faked orgasm? I'm especially hoping for comments from men. Why? And how did you explain the lack of semen? Or did you? I'm also interested in reports of faking by people older than college age. Is anything about faking different for older lovers?

Michael Castleman M.A.

San Francisco journalist Michael Castleman, M.A., author of Sizzling Sex for Life: How to Maximize Erotic Pleasure at Any Age (2021), has written about sexuality and sex research for 46 years. He has answered more than 12,000 sex questions for Playboy, other magazines, WebMD, and other sites. His previous sexuality guide, Great Sex: The Man’s Guide to Whole-Body Sensuality (Rodale, 2008), was nominated as Best Sexuality Book of the Year by the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists. He answers sex questions for FREE on the site he publishes, GreatSexGuidance.com.